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My dog doesn't need sleep hacks

5 January 2026
Adarsh Gopal

What my dog needed to sleep like this:

1 No melatonin gummies or CBD oil or valerian root chews or lavender. I did see her once chewing on a chicken's foot for an hour. And she gets massages liberally.

2 No Andrew Huberman courses. But maybe she did chance upon Lex Fridman's interview with Elon Musk.

3 No crash courses in dealing with the Chennai Corporation dog catchers or nasty locals.

4 No courses in dealing with Alpha dogs.

5 No lessons on optimizing or living by circadian rhythm. Or maybe she was making us feel silly by breaking every stupid rule we have.

6 No blinds needed to create optimal sleep conditions that mimic the darkness our ancestors rested in.

7 No Apple Watches, rings or apps to track sleep cycle or optimize for deep sleep.

8 No agonizing over whether the supplement stack should include magnesium glycinate or magnesium L-Threonate or cycle between the two

9 No apps needed to switch off other apps at 9 PM. Or tech-detox lectures. It was 11 in the morning

10 No agonizing over optimal screen color or debating e-ink versus OLEDs. The closest I've seen her using technology was when she was chewing on a carelessly discarded Amazon packaging box.

11 Definitely never seen her debating the merits of a latex versus spring mattress. Definitely never heard of the mattress firmness scale or needing to flip a mattress. Unless you are counting an old door mat that gets tossed around.

12 Has never analyzed brain circulation patterns or used an inversion table. But has licked plenty of unfinished gravy from poorly washed Zomato boxes.


All writing